(welcome. please browse the exhibition)
pain
in my head
though I’m no longer sure if the pain in my head is the pain from within or pain from bashing
my head against the wall to try to stop the pain from within
pain
must
make
it
stop
tears have long since dried on my face
too much crying blocked my nose and sinuses making the pain
in my head worse
pain
in my head
my brain tells me I should call somebody
but who
it’s two in the morning
my parents will be asleep and they have work tomorrow and I
was never their favourite anyway
if I call my lover his wife will answer and there’ll be
trouble
and pain
more pain
pain
in my head
so I drink
and drink a bit more
and open another bottle
there’s not much point using a glass as there’s nobody here
to see me and a glass would spill when I bashed
my head against the wall to try to stop the
pain in my head
perhaps another drink will stop the pain
pain
in my head
and I gather together all the pills in the flat
and arrange them in little piles on my bed
even the vitamins
although I’m not sure how effective the vitamins will be
I’m not sure how effective any of this will be since I’m
new to this game and I hadn’t planned for the
night to turn out like this
I just want to stop the pain
in my head
so I start to swallow the pills with mouthfuls of drink
seeking
oblivion
and release
from the terrible terrible pain
pain
in
my
head
‘my brain tells me I should call somebody
but who
it’s two in the morning’
One thing that always strikes me is the sameness and the difference of those suffering from depression/anxiety – I’ve been in that room, in the dark, too – and all those feelings of unworthiness that overwhelm and seem so honest. Nothing is more honest than that. Everything else seems false. Love how you see through it.
Perfectly expressed. I’ve been in that dark, lonely place. I hope you are getting help. It sounds like you need it!
does anybody know the author of this?
John, as I’m sure you can appreciate I made sure I offered anonymity to everyone who participated in this project. I have passed on your previous message though, with thanks.
Dan, of course, I appreciate that. Was just touched by the raw emotion. Cut straight through me.
thank you
. I had thought also that you may be worried for the person’s health. Whilst there have been plenty of ups and downs, I am delighted to say that everyone who was involved in this is doing pretty OK at the moment, and several are continuing to work with me on new creaive ventures.
…it’s always concerning when someone is suffering to this extent with mental health problems. I was slightly concerned but then saw it has written some time ago! Your reassurance is appreciated though. I’m not familiar with creative writing so I wasn’t sure how much of it was ‘creative’ or, with the greatest of respect, real. (for the want of a better expression!). I hope she’s ok now though.